How to take photos of temporal anomalies???

Discussion in 'Photography' started by Victor Smootbank, Oct 16, 2007.

  1. You know, sometimes there are temporal anomalies, time-distortions
    caused by quantum singularities or micro-wormholes. Sometimes,
    extraterrestrials do use temporal anomalies to power their ships,
    to be faster than light.

    How can I take photos of these anomalies to prove their existence???
     
    Victor Smootbank, Oct 16, 2007
    #1
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  2. Victor Smootbank

    ggomezphoto Guest

    See the link for a number of people who can help you with that.

    http://www.nasmhpd.org/state_hospitals.cfm
     
    ggomezphoto, Oct 16, 2007
    #2
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  3. Victor Smootbank

    Michael Guest

    A tough question. Originally, in the film only days, it required a
    Quanta-three QLR using special 31 mm ArthoPan film, but that's getting
    harder and harder to find in those days and besides the required 44
    quadrimeter lenses are backordered. Digital poses a further problem
    because in quantum situations, each pixel records 44,330 alternate
    images and you can imagine how fast that number of iterations times 8
    megapixels will fill up your memory card even considering that it
    exists in multiple universes. You might best make these photographs by
    dripping wet silver bromide on your ass in a dark room and then mooning
    the universe.

    More info at www.iamanincredibleasshole.com
     
    Michael, Oct 16, 2007
    #3
  4. I'm surprised you don't know the answer - it is simple. Turn the
    camera so that it faces against the direction of time in your region,
    and use long exposures, no filters..
     
    mark.thomas.7, Oct 16, 2007
    #4
  5. Victor Smootbank

    >G Guest

    its suggested you wear the proper protection when attempting these tasks!

    http://zapatopi.net/afdb/

    --
     
    >G, Oct 16, 2007
    #5
  6. Victor Smootbank

    Frank Arthur Guest

    It happens that I would be willing to part with my collection of 44
    quadrimeter lenses and 6 rolls of 31 mm ArthoPan film. For a price,
    of course,
    due to their rarity. I could levitate the shipment directly to Mr.
    Smootbank.
    I expect his reply teleported to me momentarily along with payment.
     
    Frank Arthur, Oct 16, 2007
    #6
  7. Victor Smootbank

    UC Guest

    Wait....
     
    UC, Oct 16, 2007
    #7
  8. Victor Smootbank

    gr Guest

    Taking a shot of a Tardis at the proper angle should do it.
    gr
     
    gr, Oct 19, 2007
    #8
  9. You can't. If these anomalies produce photons they are constrained out of
    existence by cosmology, as discussed in my graduate research :)

    Start here: http://arxiv.org/archive/astro-ph

    After you have read back through roughly 1993 check back in here, but you
    will likely need a neutrino camera.

    - J
     
    John A. Crabtree, Oct 23, 2007
    #9
  10. Victor Smootbank

    UC Guest

    You don't understand my one-word response: 'Wait'?
     
    UC, Oct 23, 2007
    #10
  11. Victor Smootbank

    AustinMN Guest

    I do.

    Most poeple hear "temporal anomaly" and think "paranormal anomaly."

    Personally, I don't think they exist. If they did, we'd have long ago
    been inundated by tourists from the future.

    Austin
     
    AustinMN, Oct 23, 2007
    #11
  12. Victor Smootbank

    Earle Jones Guest

    *
    1. Get a really fast camera (faster than about 0.000000001 sec)
    2. Go to Roswell, New Mexico and ask for "Area 9".
    3. Pray a lot.

    earle
    *
     
    Earle Jones, Nov 18, 2007
    #12
  13. Victor Smootbank

    Rudy Benner Guest

    Don't forget to put the shiny side on the outside.
     
    Rudy Benner, Nov 18, 2007
    #13
  14. Victor Smootbank

    Michael Guest

    Actually, it's Area 51. And it's in Nevada.
     
    Michael, Nov 18, 2007
    #14
  15. Any object shot through an opaque lens cap will give the reults you're
    looking for.
     
    Roy Jose Lorr, Feb 17, 2008
    #15
  16. Victor Smootbank

    beemerwacker Guest

    Originally, in the film only days, it required a
    Man, was I glad I checked this thread!

    Only an idiot would use that method. The National Organization of
    Interspacial Quantum Observers (NOIQ) clearly states that the Quanta-
    three should only be used when photographing secondary flux generated
    events. You better read that instruction manual before you cause some
    major chaos. I heard of one guy that used his Quanta the wrong way and
    the next thing you know he had an important appendage in the wrong
    spot on his body. He was on the reality show, "Nip-Tuck" recently.


    I've been taking these images for several years and have your
    solution.

    First, you will need to consume (orally) six hops or wheat based
    products in an aluminum container with an alcohol content of 5.34
    percent or more as is required by ATF rule 147.228 ("any scientific
    experiments with alcohol containing beverages must be consumed orally
    by the experimenting individual"). Next, place on a flat surface one
    of the containers. Place (in a circle) around that container the
    remaining containers. If there is any gap, consume an additional
    beverage or more and place them to close the gap. Tape the cans
    together with duct tape (a plastic based adhesive bonding agent
    similar to a 3 inch wide roll of fabric with a chemically bonded
    adhesive attached).

    The next step is the most important. Consume (referring to ATF rule
    100.942) one large (2 to 2.25 Liter) container of grape based beverage
    containing no less than an alcohol content of 6.01 percent, being
    careful to consume no more than 47% of the container. Place this on
    top of the beer cans only AFTER pouring the remaining grape based
    beverage in a tight circle around the aluminum can assembly. Remember
    there must be a 15 minute gap between the these steps to get the full
    effect. Place the empty glass bottle on top of the assembly. Now, here
    is the most important part. This assembly must be placed on an asphalt
    surface that has yellow paint on it. An asphalt surface can be
    identified by its rough, pebbly finish. At times, when there is a
    severe amount of moisture in the atmosphere, it may be covered with a
    hydrogen-oxygen mixture of fluids.

    The next step is to remove all of your clothing (including garments)
    so the natural or synthetic fibers will not interfere with the process
    of capturing the quantum singularities. Next, sit on the asphalt
    surface and wait.

    After several minutes (up to an hour or sixty minutes, whichever comes
    first in your area) you will observe alternating red and blue lights.
    This may be accompanied by white colored flashing lights. This means
    that the temporal anomalies are in your area.

    Now, at this point, rise to your feet, placing them firmly on the
    nearest yellow line and place your hands behind your ^primary^ neural
    conduit.

    Only then can you use a Quanta-three QLR to capture the images.
    Another important aspect to all of this is to *try* to wait until you
    see a horizontal metal assembly in front of you before you attempt to
    capture the images. However, you may obtain excellent results when you
    use a Quantum-three QLR after you have seen an appendage encased in a
    latex multi digited coating.

    I hope this hasn't come too late to help you in your quest.

    Max
    http://www.nla-photography.com
     
    beemerwacker, Feb 17, 2008
    #16
  17. Victor Smootbank

    Cthulhu Guest

    Bloody hell!
     
    Cthulhu, Feb 22, 2008
    #17
  18. Victor Smootbank

    Dudley Hanks Guest

    That's so interesting. I never realized that Hell is a temporal anomaly.

    Now, if I can just get my hands on a Canon Digital Rebel AWS (After World
    Special), I'll do my best to get some good shots.
     
    Dudley Hanks, Feb 22, 2008
    #18
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